Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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