I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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