your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
