Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
