I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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