every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
