I cannot find my penis.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
