I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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