im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
