My brain says no but my pants say off.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
