i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
