I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
