Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
