I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
