Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
