remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
