I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
