I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
