this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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