You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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