i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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