just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
