theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
