I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
