I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
