i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
