I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
