guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
