im six kinds of drunk right now
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
