I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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