bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
