she woke up with a sticky ear
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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