and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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