i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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