Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Randomize
