So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
