she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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