1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
