No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
