My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
