I can't watch pbs sober anymore
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
