Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
