just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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