I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
