Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
should my penis look like a turkey
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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