And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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