Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
