My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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