make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
