i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
